I awake with words in my mouth contemplate them briefly until the light of day streams in kicking all syllables aside I rise with a pounding in my head a tightness in my chest know the pounding will not cease the tightness uncoil unless I pop a pill stop staring at the light so intently I resist now have stopped my nightly pill routine the one that is designed to keep the pounding, the tightness, at bay I wish to be me, to be that which existed before I was told what I should be I look at my dwindling bank account it tells me I am a fool, childish I hope to return to my center open my eyes and not see a blinding light of oblivion instead a passageway to brilliance where the darkest corners are filled with the secrets of old I continue feeling guilty, just risen sitting on the couch morning coffee at 10 am while he has been awake for hours laboring in the stifling heat I say, listen but he does not heed the call the need to shift but finds comfort in all that is familiar while I feel suffocated trapped inside this pretty little box Alas, I digress have digressed for years now one day I will get to the point of it all Awake now with words in my mouth I understand them fully let the light stream through my pores penetrate me with its piercing arrows