I am continually revising
altering details, such as names
because I want to talk about life
with those who are sitting here
right beside me, or just across the room

But I know that disguise won’t work
no one will be fooled by my tomfoolery
I am a clown it seems
he, that person named Adam
whose name is not Adam, keeps telling me so

I tell him, not Adam, but Steven, who is not Steven
about my need for nature, health and well-being
but it seems to fall on deaf ears
we are far away from each other

I see no way, at the moment, of moving closer

I, who have no name, stop in my tracks
the disconnection sends me
exploring the options
inside this community of misfits that I adore

Adam is a blessing, but a brat
honestly, at times, a thorn in my side
I love him nonetheless
forgive him his constant pulling and pushing

Sometimes much too hard

I am no longer infatuated with Samuel, who is not Samuel
but as I stand at the table talking with him
our focus on each other’s words inadvertently
creates a bubble of energy that we cannot escape
I acknowledge that the manifestation will not be physical
except for the sounds, melodies, syllables intermingling


Momentarily, I am drawn to these beautiful young creatures
one in particular, Wonder, who is not Wonder
but immediately understand this
to simply be a harmless fantasy

Those days are behind me

Some days, I feel so ancient
that I might crack from the heat
perhaps it is the humidity that preserves me
locks in that youthful glow
and I will never grow old

Adam is jealous of Samuel
though he would never admit to such emotions
Samuel would never admit that such emotions even exist
though his fiancé has them in abundance

Samuel is a nerd in a cool guy form
I appreciate this very much
I also appreciate that he offered
though he didn’t actually mean it
to travel to
my dead ex-husband’s parent’s house
to retrieve all the things that I left when I fled

I would like to stop fleeing now

I am longing for the simpler days of my youth
though of course they were not really simpler
but at least people seemed closer to the earth
and to each other, then

I should say something about Steven now
but what would I say?
he is convinced that my purpose on this earth is to
thwart his creative ambitions

Actually, I have been trying so hard
to make both our creative ambitions
come to life in their newest forms
but I might as well not waste my breath

I, just like everyone else,
wants to have someone
to make us not feel
so alone in the world