The sense of isolation that comes with living
in this society, circa 2025
is difficult to comprehend
of course, I cannot truly speak to anything
but my experience
living in this country, the US
for the past few decades
about this, I can say much
 
I have struggled throughout my life
to feel connected to other people
to immerse myself in a deep
almost total  
awareness with another
and here is the kicker –
have that connection last
 
Those powerful relationships often
explode or wither
it is as though the air surrounding us
is saturated with a current of discontent
this current undermines those connections
and we are left, dangling
isolated
 
This isolation can be experienced
in a crowded dive bar
or in your house alone
except your kitty companion to keep you sane
 
It’s April Fool’s Day
and I sit here trying not to be overwhelmed
by the situation with Michael
 
How can a 19-year-old boy feel such despair
that he wants to kill himself and kill his cats
to take them with him?
How can he be so alone?
 
Because it’s April Fool’s Day
I think about writing a play –
why a play, I’m not sure –
a play about a young man
who plays an April Fool’s prank on his mother
he tells her that he is going to kill his cats
and then himself
but hahahahahaha
it was just a joke
 
I get into a fight with my boyfriend
because when I am telling him
about the situation with Michael
he is reading texts on his phone
not listening –
he says, “It was only a few seconds.”
and if I weren’t so upset
by everything
I would laugh
 
When someone you love
needs you
you must be there, with them
right now
 
Yes, I am lamenting
yet I can’t abide lamenting as an identity
yeah, I’m a goth
I’ll always be a goth
but I am so much more
 
I am this chaotic human form but
I can’t play your games
I won’t call them child’s games
because children would know better
I don’t want to assume a role
I want to act in my own play
 
Michael is alive
so are the cats
but for a second time in just over a year
he has attempted to destroy his life
he is doing everything he can
to die without actually doing it himself
 
Isolation
it’s real