On a bike at night with no lights

going the wrong way down the street

 

I’m alive right now, at this moment

that’s all that matters

I get it

burn from the inside out

 

But seeing this makes me cringe and laugh

no, not cringe, but squirm

not laugh, but whoop

I’ve been squirming and whooping all this time

 

While the transformation has been occuring

embracing what is simultaneously beautiful and harsh

the black rose 

your petals velvety soft against my skin

leaves dried rough and scratchy

 

Once there was an underlying aversion for anything ugly

but it seems I came here to accept decay

and malformed entities

 

My mind is being rewired

I’m beginning to feel like

a luminous robot woman

which is very cool, since I never felt like

a luminous human woman

 

How do I balance out my time?

maintaining the status quo 

and falling down the rabbit hole

 

We need to get away 

into the trees, the running river cold and pure

fling away the city robes

at least for a short while

 

we must escape from 

the heavy beauty of our life