Patterns, behaviors. Sleepiness, fighting to keep my eyes open, as though I could fall asleep instantaneously. I often fight this feeling, of course except when I am in bed, trying to sleep. And then it subsides. Or I awake at 4 am, more awake then ever I am, when I need to get up. 

Perhaps I simply need to find a way to utilize the power of that feeling and explore the altered states that are beyond ordinary waking reality. Discontent, a desire to move away from the civilization that we people have built. This could account for some of my sometimes constant sleepiness, but not entirely. Part of me wants to go elsewhere, not just escape.

If Freud thought that people were discontent in 1930 what would he think now? Even art, which provides a transcendental state, has become violent. Now we discuss everything in our art, we put it out there to fly or crash. When you are angry there is a tendency toward crashing. I learned that lesson well.

Better for me, or you, or both of us, to be that type of creative who elicits the desire to stroke. Feminine energy is so misunderstood and portrayed in many twisted ways in our society. Women need the space to be themselves. All women need a room. 

Women’s rooms, that is a long complicated subject. Such as the Haunting of Hill House’s red room. That room was a sanctuary for every member of the family, transforming itself into what the individual needed it for. Yet none of them ever recalled being there, in the red room. Each had their own room, placed within the vastness of the house.

What a poetic concept.

I am fond of poetic concepts.