Not sad or mad or glad

in that middle space

that nothingness space, so

proceed as usual,

drinking & smoking pot

Further and further away

the sun is about to set behind me

the heat index is still above 100 degrees

the mosquitos will eat me alive

But I’m not yet ready

to turn on the lights

still pondering what music will take me

somewhere that I want to go

Perhaps I should have stayed

in that little house in San Antonio, Texas

with the two yogic nuns

meditating, chanting, doing asanas, service

But I left that little house and went back

to Illinois, to be the sensual creature

totally naïve, I loved wrapping myself

inside the flesh and bones of another

Therefore sex could not become

utilitarian, a practical need

like eating and sleeping

but always a desire to unite

Which is why it took me all of these years

to understand, that to the men,

even the ones who loved me,

it wasn’t the same, it wasn’t making love

 

Now walking down the hallway at work

past the mathematicians, the admissions staff,

Public Relations, the President’s Office

I almost laugh out loud at how silly

we all truly are